This is Dan, a 38-old-year old woodworker from Maryland who claims he has only eaten pizza for the last 25 years. Cheese pizza. Exclusively. He says he didn't stop eating it despite being diagnosed with diabetes. That's when doctors told him he had to change his diet if he didn't want to lose his life or his limbs.
According to his interview in Vice, he has been eating an entire 14-inch cheese pizza every day and he never gets sick of it. "If I go to one pizza shop or another brand," he says, "it's like eating a completely different meal." It gets worse: Because of his diabetes he has passed out several times out of sugar shock, once while driving.
When I first got diabetes, my endocrinologist said, "You should go to a nutritionist. You eat horribly." So I went to a nutritionist, and it was a waste of time. They just basically give you a list of things to try, saying, "Oh, you're a vegetarian; you should try this, this, and this." And of course I'm not going to try any of those. I like pizza. I've never gotten a negative reaction except from my first endocrinologist. But all the other doctors have said, "Your cholesterol is fine. You seem healthy. Keep doing what you're doing." I haven't had anyone truly concerned about it, except for my fiancée, and she's not overly concerned. With her advice and support, I've been seeing a therapist about my food aversion, and we've been exploring why I have such a limited diet. I must say, even though I sound like a horribly unhealthy and fat person, I'm not. I'm thin. I have tons of energy, and I feel great every day, so there might be something to the exclusive pizza diet.
That's fine Dan. If you are telling us the truth—and why would we doubt you—everyone has the right to be a suicidal cretin. God save America.
Incidentally, for those of you not believing this, the sister of certain editor of Gizmodo ate McDonald's exclusively for 25 years. The only reason she stopped her golden arches diet in her cozy Minneapolis suburb is because she found blood stains on the rim inside and out of a cup of Coca-Cola. After drinking from it. Now she can't get even close to one.