We're now entering the ninth day of the government shutdown. America continues to be held hostage by extremist neanderthal Congressional asshats, who refuse to back down until their ridiculous demands are met. Here's a recap of where we're at now:

Day 9

Republicans are still bitching about entitlements...And Fox News continues its massive trolling campaign by interviewing this crazy trucker lady who believes Obama is Osama bin Laden.

This Congressman calling his colleagues less popular than dog poop is a goddamn American hero...and America's nuclear regulators are about to be furloughed.

Day 8

Despite the Shutdown, the government managed to purchase a mechanical bull, because why not...and meanwhile a massive Salmonella outbreak is making everyone shit themselves.

A crazy trucker said he and his crazy trucker friends were gonna ride into Congress and arrest everyone...and Jon Stewart reminded us that the “party of personal responsibility ain’t takin none.”

Day 7

In some positive Shutdown news federal employees were offered free vibrators ...and in gross news the FDA isn't inspecting your food.

Day 6

Radical Republicans are still throwing poop at the federal government...and TSA Agents claim the Shutdown allowed this 9-year old to fly to Vegas without a ticket.

Day 5

There seems to be no end in sight, so now bored government workers are posting "Shutdown Sex" ads on Craigslist.

Here are 11 tech and science programs killed by the shutdown, which is also crapping all over our animal friends.

Day 4

The National Weather Service has chimed in with this secret coded message for Congress...and in happier news, Stephen Colbert married a couple whose wedding was ruined by the shutdown.

Even though the prison guards watching Dzhokhar Tsarnaev are still unpaid this GOP Rep defends keeping her salary...and more stupid people saying stupid things on TV.

Day 3

Michelle Bachmann claims Republicans are super happy about the shutdown...

...in case you needed more proof that Republicans are acting like nauseating weasels.

Kids out of pre-school, yet they are still discussing "strategy"...

...but at least Jon Stewart is slamming those who put this country in the freezer

Day 2

The Republicans are resorting to woeful tactics, while some try to help...

...and others get shunned and frustrated.

The shameful embarrassment continues with no end in sight...

...but the show must go on.

Day 1

The government is frozen, as Kate Upton and Ryan Gosling explain

This is how the shutdown is affecting everyone:

From Hollywood to car manufacturers...

...to science and NASA operations...